Sexual pleasure is produced by stimulation of various areas of the body; these are the erogenous zones.

Sexual self-stimulation, or autoeroticism, includes masturbation and sexual fantasies. Women typically masturbate by rubbing the clitoris and surrounding tissue and the inner and outer lips. Men generally masturbate by circling the hand around the penis and using an up-and-down movement to stimulate the shaft. Many people have sexual fantasies while masturbating. Common themes of these fantasies are kissing and touching sensuously, oral sex, and seduction. Similar sexual fantasies are also common while having intercourse. Some men and women incorporate use of erotic materials into their sexual activity.

An important technique in two-person sex is hand stimulation of the partner's genitals. A good guide to technique is to find out how the partner masturbates. Touching other areas of the body and kissing are also important. The other senses-sight, smell, and hearing-can also be used in creating sexual arousal.

While there are infinite varieties in the positions in which one can have intercourse, there are four basic positions: man on top (the missionary position), woman on top, rear entry, and side to side.

There are two kinds of mouth-genital stimulation: cunnilingus (mouth stimulation of the female genitals) and fellatio (mouth stimulation of the male genitals). Both are engaged in frequently today and are considered pleasurable by many people. Lesbians and gays use techniques similar to those of straights (e.g., hand-genital stimulation and oral-genital sex). Gays and lesbians, though, seem less goal oriented, take their time more, and communicate more than heterosexuals do.

Anal intercourse involves inserting the penis into the rectum. This activity and the insertion of other objects in the anus must be done carefully to avoid injury or transmission of STDs.

An aphrodisiac is a substance that arouses sexual desire. There is no known reliable aphrodisiac, and some of the substances that are popularly thought to act as aphrodisiacs can be dangerous to one's health.

We have a tendency in our culture, perhaps a legacy of the Protestant ethic, to view sex as work and to turn sex into an achievement situation, as witnessed by expressions such as "achieving orgasm.'' Such attitudes make sex less pleasurable and may set the stage for sexual failures or sexual disorders.

There are clear differences in communication patterns between happy, nondistressed couples and couples who are unhappy, seeking counseling, or headed for divorce. Destructive patterns of interaction include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. The key to building a good relationship is reciprocal self-disclosure. The key to maintaining a good relationship is being a good communicator.

Specific tips for being a good communicator include: use "I'' language; avoid mind reading; document your points with specific examples; use limited-choice questions; level and edit; be a nondefensive listener; give feedback by paraphrasing; validate the other's viewpoint; draw your partner out; be aware of your nonverbal messages; and engage in positive verbal and nonverbal communication. When you do fight, fight fair. Finally, it is important to check out ambiguous sexy signals to find out what they really mean.