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Revising and Editing

Revise and edit the following paragraph. Look for problems in the following:

  • paragraph format
  • paragraph division
  • information that is too detailed or not related to the topic
  • present tense
  • subjects of sentences
  • articles
  • word order
  • gerunds
  • relative clauses

1
People from abroad who come to stay in the United States often have more problems than they anticipated. I believe this is because people think that they understand the United States better than they really do. Often however, they have an unrealistic view of the United States and their possible place in it. This happened to me when I first went to live in India. I thought everyone would love me but they didn’t. The entertainment industry are one of the main reasons for this unrealistic view. By the time they were adults, many people all over the world saw numerous American movies and television shows. As we all know, movies and TV shows do not give a true picture of the United States. For one thing, the average person in a movie or on TV looks much more attractive than people that you see in the street. In addition, the people portrayed in the movies or on TV are often much wealthier than average Americans. The average American household income is about $46, 000 a year. Stories in the movies and on TV are often about people who make much more money than that. People studied English in their home countries may encounter also more problems than they expected. This is because use a language in a classroom situation is not nearly as difficult as using it in the real world. In the classroom, your teacher and your classmates knew what words and structures you have already learned. People you met on the street have no idea. In addition, even if they realize that they need to simplify their language, they don’t know how to do it. Finally, the main reason that many people suffer culture shock when they visit the United States is that they expect to love it and are surprised when they don’t. They are shocked to find that they miss many things about their own country even if they couldn’t wait to leave. I knew a man who saved money for years to come to the United States. When he got here, he stayed just three weeks before he returned to his own country. People also do not expect living in a foreign culture be difficult but it’s often exhausted. Just listening to and trying to understand another language all day is very tiring. People are planning to go to the United States or any other country for an extended stay shouldn’t expect that their life will be easy. However, with the right attitude, it can be very interesting.







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