Seeking Love

Narrator: Ah, love. You know it's probably what most of us want and need more than anything else, but we sure didn't learn in school how to find it. In fact, it's kind of trial and error, right? With the accent on the error. Well, we've got some information that may eliminate the errors as you look for a lover or work to keep the one you have, and some new research to let you know how compatible you are with that candidate. Dr. Jim Soulis is a matchmaker. He says when seeking a mate, first look deep within yourself to understand exactly what you want from a relationship. Only after that, start looking. And there's one thing that every love seeker must have.

Soulis: Probably most important to me is an aura of confidence. No confidence, no progress.

Narrator: Victoria Parker owns San Diego's largest singles dating service and she encourages positive thinking about love.

Parker: Envision it being really good, hope that it will. Think and dwell on the things that you want it to be instead of saying to yourself, "I'll probably never find the right person. I don't think it's possible. I've been looking forever. It hasn't happened yet." Listen to the tape that you're playing. You're playing your own negative future.

Narrator: So reprogram those tapes, and then take it a step further.

Parker: The best way to really meet somebody is to study yourself. I've been telling this to people for a long time. If you like tennis, hang out on tennis courts. If you like seminars, go to seminars, but to become more active in what you are. Therefore, you'll be attracting people more like yourself, and you'll go to places where those kind of people are.

Narrator: Or you can join a dating service. This one has tapes, profiles and pictures to select from. Classified ads get results too if you do it right. For $75, Judy Knoll will help you write one.

Knoll: Make your heading an eye catcher. You know, like a hook, what they call it in advertising 'cause you are advertising yourself.

Narrator: She says creativity counts. Like this ad with a guarantee: $5 if our date isn't charmed, romantic, and special. Judy says never be negative, like this one that says, “Disappointed in dating?” He doesn't know it, but he's asking for all the women who are disappointed in dating because they're no good at it.
The same with “unlucky in love.” What he's saying is “please, someone, don't give up on me.” Judy says an average ad can get 50 responses, a good ad, 250.
And then, when you find somebody, here are things to know, including don't try to be someone you're not.

Woman: You can see right through it when someone is trying to impress the other person. That doesn't work too well.

Woman 2: Never give a compliment about a woman's body part. That's a no-no.

Soulis: A well-dressed man will attract usually a well-dressed woman. It doesn't really work any other way. A man has got to look "quality."

Parker: If you use too many of the same lines and ask too many of the same questions, you need to be more creative.

Narrator: Women, the experts say, become clingers too soon. Also...

Parker: They expect too much. Quite often women expect to be called on the very minute that they were told they were going to be called. They expect a guy to automatically maybe pick up the tab for them and their friends. The whole big thing is meet him halfway. Assume half the responsibility yourself for whether or not it's going to go good.

Woman 2: Immediately, the questions are, what kind of a car do you drive? Where do you work? They really are asking how much money do you have in your bank account? And men hate that. Men hate that.

Narrator: Tomorrow night, the very first question you should ask your potential partner that may help you to determine your compatibility immediately.

Jim Wilkerson, Ten News with a Nightcast Extra.

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