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Editing Exercises - Word Choice
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1. Rewrite the following paragraph to eliminate problems with tone and diction. In the process, make sure to include necessary words that have been intentionally left out and to eliminate clichés.

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1) A vegetable fibre derived from the flax plant has given us linen, perhaps the oldest known textile. 2) Its use goes way back at least to the Stone Age. 3) Archaeologists have found whole bunches of linen cloth in digs of Neolithic sites where the Lake Dwellers of Switzerland once hung out. 4) In the Nile Valley of Egypt, evidence of linen weaving dates back more than 6,000 years; the bodies of the Egyptian kings were wrapped in linen cloth (it's a crying shame that we still don't know all the secrets of Egyptian mummification). 5) A surefire way to produce good flax is to grow it in swampy, mild lowlands. 6) In recent times, France, Holland, and Germany have produced picture-perfect quality linen. 7) Over the past century, fabrics superior than linen in durability and ease of care have replaced it as the cloth of choice; however, make no mistake—until well into the 18th century, linen was top dog in the textile world.


2. Rewrite the following paragraph to eliminate problems with tone and diction. In the process, make sure to include necessary words that have been intentionally left out and to eliminate clichés.

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1) The kinds table manners we normally use in an expensive restaurant, in a diner, or even at home are hardly like those people used to use in the past. 2) In fact, those we might see were we able to travel back in time and attend a meal served in the Middle Ages are very different from today. 3) In the olden days, people didn't use a spoon to eat their soup; they simply chugged it down directly from a large bowl. 4) Meats and vegetables weren't served daintily with each person getting his or her own portion. 5) Instead, people dug in with their hands and scooped portions of grub from a common bowl that got passed one person to another. 6) If you were hungrier then the next guy, you had to stick your hand first. 7) Forks did not come on to the scene until the 16th century. 8) The knowledge that disease-causing germs could be spread from one person to the other wasn't fully excepted until the 19th century. 9) Thus it is safe to say that medieval dinners didn't no beans about bacteriology and the communicability of diseases. 10) So no one made a big deal of washing before chowing down. 11) Drinking cups for each diner were as rare as hens' teeth, and people often drank from a common vessel, passing it during the coarse of the meal. 12) When people finished up, it stands to reason that they did not wipe their mouths with napkins; instead, they used their sleeves or the tablecloth, and some (this might sound really gross) even blew their noses into a common cloth.


3. Rewrite the following paragraph to eliminate problems with tone and diction. In the process, make sure to include necessary words that have been intentionally left out and to eliminate clichés.

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1) The ancient Chinese figured the universe was composed of two complimentary but opposing forces: yin and yang. 2) Yin is the female essence, yang the male. 3) Yang is warmer, more assertive, and more dominant as his counterpart; yin is passive, cool, and dark. 4) Yin springs of Mother Earth; another words, it represents fertility. 5) Yang is associated to the heavens. 6) Its' an analogy that also applies with the sun and the moon. 7) Irregardless of all other factors, balance is created only when yin and yang are joined. 8) Thus the sun (yang) and moon (yin) act in conjunction with another to create day and night. 9) A similar balance occurs among male and female when the two join to create offspring.


4. Rewrite the following paragraph to eliminate problems with tone and diction. In the process, make sure to include necessary words that have been intentionally left out and to eliminate cliché.

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1) On October 2, 1962, James Meredith passed the acid test that is a prerequisite to becoming a hero. 2) He enrolled in the then all-white University of Mississippi. 3) A Korean War veteran, Meredith was eligible for the educational benefits guaranteed him by the GI bill; he would have no problem using them at any all-black college. 4) But Meredith was determined to exercise his right to study at the school of his choice—black or white. 5) Risking life and limb, he had to be escorted by U.S. marshals as he defied the white supremacist establishment and registered for classes. 6) In 1962, Mississippi enforced a policy of racial segregation as vehemently as any southern state. 7) Therefore, what James Meredith's accomplished resounded throughout the region and the nation. 8) Today, because of Meredith and many civil rights activists, the racial climate in American college campuses is greatly improved.


5. Rewrite the following paragraph to eliminate problems with sexist language.

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1) Grosse Île was opened in the early 19th century to process the ever-growing stream of immigrants fleeing to Canada from Europe. 2) Between 1832 and 1937, the island served as a quarantine station for the Port of Quebec, the main port of arrival for immigrants to Canada. 3) Almost without exception, if he had crossed the Atlantic for mainland Canada, he would have to pass through Grosse Île's quarantine station before beginning his life in a new world. 4) During the early years of the station, more than 30,000 immigrants per year were processed through Grosse Île. 5) Of those, historians estimate that more than 50 percent of the immigrants who arrived on this small Gulf of St. Lawrence island were from the British Isles, especially the land of the leprechaun, Ireland. 6) Typically, he would have arrived with his family, but in many cases he arrived alone, working here for several years and then calling for the rest of the family after he had saved enough money for their passage. 7) The first Canadians the immigrant met were, in most cases, immigration officers, who, dressed like policemen, often seemed intimidating to the newcomer. 8) These men checked his papers to make sure that he had no criminal record and his emigration from his home country had been legitimate. 9) Finally, he was examined by a member of the health service. 10) Such a man held tremendous power, for if he found that the newcomer suffered from even the slightest ailment, he could order that he be quarantined for an indefinite period or, worse, that he be shipped back. 11) In 1847 a typhoid epidemic, which had begun onboard several ships, hit Grosse Île like wildfire, killing over 5,000 immigrants. 12) Following the Great Depression the number of immigrants decreased, and the station was closed in 1937. 13) In 1998 the site was declared a national park, and grandsons and great-grandsons attended a memorial dedication to the thousands of Irish immigrants who died in the epidemic. 14) Indeed, anyone who visits can read the list the names of those who died, most likely, find one that matches his own.








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