Two reasons for affiliation are comparison and exchange.
Social comparison. One way to know ourselves and better understand our place in the social environment is to compare ourselves with others.
Social exchange.
People seek out and maintain those relationships in which rewards exceed costs, and they avoid or terminate relationships when costs are greater than rewards.
The level of costs and rewards accruing in the current relationship will be compared to the possible rewards and costs available in alternative relationships.
Many factors influence our affiliation desires.
Our evolutionary heritage. Our tendency to seek out others, to make friends, and to form enduring close relationships seems to be an inherited trait that has helped us to survive and reproduce.
Biology and arousability. People who desire a great deal of social contact have a higher optimal arousal level for both social and nonsocial stimuli than those who desire less contact.
Culture, gender, and affiliation.
In a study of 22 countries, the more individualist cultures had higher needs for affiliation.
Collectivists' relationships tended to be more intimate than those of individualists.
Men and boys tend to have more independent self-concepts, whereas women and girls tend to have more relational self-concepts.
II. Characteristics of the Situation and Attraction
Close proximity fosters liking.
Familiarity breeds liking.
Our affiliation desires generally increase with anxiety.
Schacter's anxiety research. "Misery loves miserable company": when anxious or fearful, people desire to affiliate with others who are experiencing similar feelings.
Limitations and wrinkles in the anxiety-affiliation effect.
When anxiety is due to anticipated embarrassment, participants did not prefer the presence of others in similar situations.
Under some circumstances, anxious persons prefer the company of someone who has already gone through the feared experience, rather than that of others awaiting it.
III. Characteristics of Others and Attraction
We are drawn toward the physically attractive.
What is beautiful is good. Across cultures, people ascribe positive personality traits to physically attractive persons.
Is the attractiveness stereotype accurate?
Meta-analyses indicate that the attractive do not truly have more positive traits than the unattractive.
The attractive are more socially skilled.
Treating people as though they are attractive can cause them to behave as attractive people do, in a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are both cross-cultural differences and similarities in attractiveness standards.
Cultural differences. Standards of beauty reflect the opinions of the dominant group in society, and change across time and culture.
Cultural similarities.
Symmetrical faces representing the average proportions are judged to be attractive across cultures.
Mature facial features seem to enhance male attractiveness more than female attractiveness.
Women's bodies as objects of beauty.
Women are taught from a young age that their physical appearance is a significant factor in how they will be valued by others.
Beginning in late childhood and early adolescence, girls not only experience more dissatisfaction with their bodies than do boys, but they also experience a steady increase in this dissatisfaction over time.
Men's bodies as instruments of action.
Males are taught to view their bodies not as static objects of aesthetic beauty but more as dynamic instruments used to accomplish tasks in the world.
Other people's physical appearance influences perceptions of our own attractiveness.
When observed simultaneously, people of average attractiveness tend to be judged more attractive when they are with a same-sex person who is very good-looking, but they are thought of as less attractive when with someone who is unattractive.
When observed sequentially, the reverse effect occurs.
In heterosexual relationships, although people's overall impressions of a man appear to be influenced by his partner's physical attractiveness, the same effect does not hold for a woman.
Birds of a feather really do flock together.
Demographic similarity.
Attitudinal similarity.
Similarity in physical attractiveness. The tendency to be attracted to others who are similar to us in particular characteristics, such as physical attractiveness, is known as the matching hypothesis.
Why are similar others attractive?
Desire for social comparison.
Evolutionary drive.
Preference for things that are familiar.
People desire cognitive consistency or "balance" in their thoughts, feelings, and social relationships.
We are also attracted to "complementary" others.
People choose relationships in which their basic needs can be mutually satisfied.
There appears to be a looks-for-status exchange in mating relationships.
We like those who like us.
If led to believe that another likes or dislikes us, we may behave in ways that confirm that expectation (the self-fulfilling prophecy).
IV. When Social Interaction Becomes Problematic
Social anxiety can keep us isolated from others. Social anxiety is the unpleasant emotion we experience due to our concern with interpersonal evaluation
The two-factor theory of emotion explains how we construct our social reality, including social anxiety.
Misattribution of arousal can relieve social anxiety at low levels.
Loneliness is the consequence of social isolation
Defining and measuring loneliness.
Loneliness is defined as having a smaller or less satisfying network of social and intimate relationships than we desire.
We can experience loneliness as both a short-lived state and a chronic, long-term trait.
Age, gender, and loneliness.
The young-adolescents and young adults-are the loneliest age groups.
There are no clear gender differences in loneliness.
Social skills deficits and loneliness
Lonely people tend to talk about themselves more in interactions, take less interest in their partners, and perceive others in a more negative light.
V. Application: How Can Social Skills Training Improve Your Life?
Factors related to social effectiveness are
the amount of personal attention given to one's partner in interaction, and
the ability to recognize and conform to social norms.
Social skills training can teach socially anxious and lonely people how to interact more effectively with others.
