On August 23, 1999, a man identified simply as Stephan posted the following story on www.relationship-talk.com:

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his five-year-old son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” “Yeah, sure. What is it?” replied the father. “Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?” “That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the father said angrily. “I just wanted to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy. “If you must know, I make $20 an hour.” “Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $9 please?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you’re being so selfish. I work long, hard hours every day and don’t have time for such childish games.”

“The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The father sat down and started to get even madder about his little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so he calmed down. He started to think he might have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $9, and he didn’t ask for money very often. The father went to his son’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep, son?” he asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the father. “It’s been a long day and I took my aggravations out on you. Here’s that $9 you asked for.”

“The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled-up bills.

The father, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied. “Daddy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

Although this story might be apocryphal, many of us find ourselves living fast-paced lives with little time to spend in interpersonal communication. Apply what you have learned about interpersonal relationships and interpersonal communication as you ponder and discuss the following questions: What kind of interpersonal communication skills did the son possess? How about the father? If you were the father, how would you respond to the little boy’s question? How are the child’s needs for inclusion, affection, and control being met by the father? What dialectic tensions are present? How does the concept of bargaining apply to this story? Does behavioral flexibility seem to be important here? If you were a member of this family (the mother, a grandparent, or a sibling of the boy), what would you do upon hearing about this interaction?