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Recognizing Barriers
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In this activity, which is designed to accompany The "Secrets" of Success section near the beginning of the text, you will be asked to at certain points to stop and respond in writing. It's important to do this. You can print out this file and write on the printout. If you prefer, you can write your responses on notebook paper. If you do that, be sure to write the headings so that you know the types of responses you are recording.

Identify the Ways You Block Your Own Success

How would you end these sentences? the beginning of the four sentences below. Then write the first thing that comes to mind for each of them. Write quickly; don't censor your thoughts.

1. I'd do better in school if only_________________________________________________________________________________.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

2. I'd do my homework if only__________________________________________________________________________________.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

3. I'd make it to every class if only______________________________________________________________________________.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

4. I'd be a better reader if only_________________________________________________________________________________.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________.

   When John Wooden was coach of the UCLA basketball team, he repeatedly counseled his players, "Don't beat yourself." Former Pittsburgh Steelers coach Chuck Noll said, "Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it." By that he meant that you have to avoid mistakes that cause you to defeat yourself. Coach Vince Lombardi bluntly told players, "If you could have won, you should have." It was his way of saying that if there were things you could have done to be successful but didn't do them, you should have.
   Students often sabotage themselves. It sounds odd that someone would deliberately make himself or herself unsuccessful, but it happens all the time. The key to stopping it is to recognize it when it's happening and to understand why it's happening. The reason is almost always fear: fear of failing, fear of discovering they can succeed and afraid of the pressure that might bring, fear of losing friends or family who might view them differently if they become college educated. There are countless reasons, but fear is usually at the bottom of them.
   If you are not as successful as you could be, ask yourself deep down what it is that you fear. You should also ask yourself what you are doing to make yourself unsuccessful. Once you accept the responsibility for making yourself un successful, you can accept the responsibility for making yourself successful. Then you can begin making changes that will lead to success. You may be thinking, "That's ridiculous to think that I'd deliberately make myself unsuccessful! I spend lots of time on school. I worry about it constantly." But things never get any better for you. Or like lots of students, you may have incorrectly concluded that you're just "lazy" or "unmotivated" or "stupid." You may feel guilty about school or feel ashamed of your academic performance. You may feel helpless to change the situation because you think that change is not possible. Fear is at the root of all of these feelings.
   Look at the responses you wrote above. What did you write after the words "if only"? Were the statements about you and your attitudes ("I'd do better in school if only I took it more seriously"; "I'd do my homework if only I weren't working so many hours at my part-time job")? Or did you end some or all of the sentences with things that seem to be outside your control ("I'd make it to every class if my car didn't break down so often"; "I'd be a better reader if only the textbooks weren't so hard"). For the time being just note which type of response you gave, or whether you gave both types.
   Do any of the following reasons for fearing success help explain the way you completed the sentences earlier in this section? One reason change seems impossible to many students is that they select an overwhelmingly large goal (such as getting a college degree) as the only measure of their success. In setting a seemingly unattainable standard for success, they paralyze themselves. They have no idea where to begin so monumental an undertaking—so they don't. Does this sound like you?
   Other hidden anxieties may contribute to a student's paralysis. It may take the form of pressure from parents or family to succeed. Or it may be a lack of support from the family, which makes students feel they must succeed spectacularly in order to justify their decisions to spend time and money to attend college. Disappointing their families or not succeeding in a big way can cause students terrible anxiety. On the other hand, students sometimes feel subtle or overt pressure from family or peers not to succeed, not to "waste" time and money on college, not to try to make themselves "better than everyone else." Does any of this describe you or your situation?
   There are many ways students sabotage their success. Do you use any of the following ways to undermine your success? To find out, answer each of these questions. Your answers will be more accurate if you go with your first reaction rather than mulling over each question. Don't stop to read what it says in brackets beneath the items until you have marked Yes or No for all of them.
 Yes No
  • Do you spend too much time socializing either in person, on the phone or over the Internet?
 ___   ___
  • Do you hang out with friends when you should be studying?
___   ___
  • Sit in the school cafeteria drinking soft drinks or coffee when you should be in class, in the library
    or computer lab, or doing some other schoolwork?
___ ___
 [Wasting time is one way students undermine their success. Do you waste time on non-school
  
 activities, and then tell yourself that you just don't have enough time to get your assignments done?]
  
  
  
  • Do you schedule yourself to work too many hours at your job?
___  ___
 [Many students work too many hours in relation to the number of classes they have signed up for.
  
 If your job leaves you too exhausted or with too little time to study, you need to rethink your
  
 priorities— especially the long-term goals you have for yourself. Will working 25 hours a week
  
 now make a big difference five years from now? Or will having a college degree five years from
  
  now make a bigger difference in your life?]
  
  
  
  • Do you choose to focus excessively on relationships or relationship problems?
___   ___
 [Even if it is a relationship problem, you don't have to dwell on it 24 hours a day or dwell on
  
 it at all if the problem is one that you cannot fix. Do you focus excessively on a positive relationship
  
 you are involved in? Do you waste hours daydreaming about a boyfriend or girlfriend—or
  
 someone you would like to have as a boyfriend or girlfriend? Either way, you are choosing to
  
 dissipate your time and energy nonproductively.]
  
  
  
  • Do you use food, alcohol, or drugs to numb yourself so that you can't think clearly?
___   ___
 [The fat content in a Big Mac, an order of fries, and a milkshake, for example, will leave you
  
 absolutely groggy. You'll want to take a nap rather than study. Unless someone puts a
  
  gun to your head and forces you to ingest high-fat, sugary foods, alcohol, or other drugs,
  
 these are choices you make.]
  
  
  
  • Do you spend time worrying about family problems?
___  ___
  [It goes without saying that family matters are important. But you can choose not
  
  to focus on them 24 hours a day and not to worry about problems you have no control over.
  
 Worry changes nothing. Worry prevents nothing. Worry solves nothing. Human beings are
  
 the only creatures who can choose to continually re-injure themselves by dwelling on painful
  
  past events they can't change. Make the decision not to do this. Let go. Go on.]
  
  
  
  • Do you procrastinate?
___  ___
 [Perhaps you wait until it really is too late, then you experience terrible stress, so you tell yourself,
  
  "There's no reason even to try. There's not enough time." The truth, though, is that you, not
  
 circumstances, caused it to turn out that way.]
  
  
  
  • Do you fill up your time with unimportant activities?
___  ___
  [It's easy to fill up your time shopping, running errands, working on your car, reading magazines,
  
  surfing the Web, or driving friends somewhere. You are always busy (and often tired),
  
 yet you still feel unproductive because you do not accomplish what is important. UCLA
  
 basketball coach John Wooden once said, "Never mistake activity for achievement." In other
  
 words, just because you're busy doesn't mean that you're productive. (If you never seem to have
  
 enough time, keep a record of how you spend it during a typical week. You may be surprised
  
  at what you discover.]
  
  
  
  • Do you waste time on nonproductive or unnecessary activities?
___  ___
  [It's easy to waste time looking for items you carelessly misplaced, switching constantly from task
  
  without completing any of them, redoing things to make them "perfect" when they're fine the way
  
 they are, allowing others to interrupt you, or doing what anyone else asks even if takes you away
  
  from accomplishing your goals. These problems are all fixable.]
  
  
  
  • Do you sleep too much or too little?
___  ___
  [Perhaps you fool yourself by saying, "I'll study better if I take a nap first. . . " you know how the
  
  story goes from there. You end up sleeping much longer than you intended, or if you do get up,
  
  you're groggy. Perhaps you sleep too late in the morning. "Just another five minutes,"
  
 you tell yourself. On the other hand, you may be among those college students who chronically get
  
  too little sleep. Perhaps you stay so exhausted that you can't focus effectively on your schoolwork.]
  
  
  
  • Do you fail to schedule time to study?
___  ___
  [Perhaps you are always intending to study whenever you can "find the time." You never "find"
  
  it because you have not made school a priority. Set aside a specific time to study each day
  
 except for one day on the weekend. Don't use study time for anything except studying. If possible,
  
 schedule study sessions at the same time each day.]
  
  
  
  • Do informal, intramural, or team sports take too much of your time and energy?
 ___   ___
  [Some students use their overcommitment to sports to sabotage their success or excuse their lack
  
  of success. If sports leave you with too little time or energy to be successful in school, you need to
  
  rethink the choice you have made and the reason you made it.]
  
  
  
  • Do you refuse to think because thinking seems too hard?
___  ___
  [Because something seems hard, however, does not mean it's impossible or that you shouldn't
  
 try anyway. As Tommy Lasorda said, "Determination is the difference between the possible and
  
  the impossible." What if you try and fail? Former Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula echoed
  
 Winston Churchill's sentiment that "failure isn't fatal." Besides, failure is always an event, never a
  
  person. If you fail, try again. Even if you fail again, "fail better" the next time. Then try again . . . and again . . . and again.]
  
  
  
  • Do you view yourself as helpless?
___  ___
  [Do you tell yourself that you need a teacher, parent, roommate, or someone else to explain
  
 every assignment to you, go over the directions with you, remind you of deadlines, nag you to
  
 study, and remind you to take your book to class? It's tempting for some athletes to rely
  
 on the coach for every decision, as well as for motivation. After all, the coach is the expert. But
  
 ultimately the person has to perform on his or her own. Coaches and teachers can point you in the
  
 right directions, but improving your skills is ultimately a do-it-yourself project. There will be
  
  times when you, like any athlete, will have to struggle alone. You will be stronger for it, however.]
  

   Did you have an especially strong reaction to any of these ways students keep themselves from succeeding? Did any of them make you feel angry or defensive? For example, did you think, "I have to work 40 hours a week to make my car payment!" or "I'm doing good just to grab something to eat whenever I can, even if it's junk food" or "All college students drink." If you became defensive about any behavior mentioned on the list, it's probably a way you keep yourself from being as successful as you might otherwise be. For the ones to which you checked "Yes," go back and read the information beneath the item.
   For those you marked Yes, decide the extent to which that item describes a problem of yours. Certain Yes items may be major problems for you; others may be only an occasional problem. Circle the box in front of your "big" Yes items: you should focus on the ones that are constant or big problems.
   There is hardly a college student who doesn't struggle with one or more (usually more!) of these problems. There are some students who will say that they have no problem with any of these, and yet it's obvious to everyone—except them—that they do. It is really unfortunate when students can't see it, because the sooner they stop denying there's a problem, the sooner they can take action and empower themselves to make productive changes.
   Now read through the list of questions again, and then write down any self-defeating behaviors that you use to prevent yourself from being more successful in school. (There may be things that you do that aren't on the list. If so, you should list them, too.) List things that you do that prevent you from being more successful; don't write things such as "'eachers assign too much homework" or "I don't have a car." Be honest. If you are not, the only person you're trying to fool is yourself, and deep down, you know the truth anyway! Write your statements as I-statements. In other words, start each sentence with the word "I." For example, write "I spend too much time socializing" instead of "Friends make me feel guilty if I don"t socialize with them" and "I do not set aside time specifically for studying" rather than “My schedule doesn't allow me enough time to study." List your self-defeating behaviors on the lines below.

Ways I Undermine My Success in College

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

   If you wrote down the behaviors that you use to limit your academic performance, congratulate yourself! You just took the first step toward changing them: You have to recognize that you do them before you can change them. If you did not take the time to stop and write them down, you have a decision to make: You can either slide past this exercise or go back and do it. The decision you make will tell you a lot about your maturity level, how self-responsible you are, and how committed you are to improving your reading skills.
   Once you have identified behaviors that prevent you from being more successful in school, you can, in fact, change them. Remember that each of these behaviors is a choice. That's good news. If you can choose to engage in a self-defeating behavior, you can also choose to stop doing it.
   These behaviors don't always seem like choices. Sometimes it seems as if things just "come up": Your boss calls and offers you some overtime work. Your roommates ask if you want to go get a pizza. A friend drops by with a new video game. You pass the park and see a pick-up basketball game just getting underway.
   You tell yourself that it isn't your fault that you didn't get your schoolwork done. That's really not true, of course. It's important that you not sabotage your efforts to do well in school. Vince Lombardi told his players, "If you quit during the workouts, you'll quit in the middle of a season in a game. Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit." If you quit doing the homework, quit going to class, quit trying, then quitting becomes a habit—one that can cause you unnecessary pain and trouble in every area of your life.
   How should you handle situations such as those described above, situations in which someone or something seems to pull you away from what you should be doing? Let's take an example: You sit down at your desk to study for your sociology test. Suddenly the thought pops into your head, "It's beautiful outside . . . perfect weather for jogging. I think I'll go for a run." You need to recognize this for what is it: avoidance behavior. At that point, take a minute to re-center yourself with a few deep, slow breaths. Then say to yourself, "The whole idea of a test makes me feel nervous. Jogging is an excuse not to study, a way to avoid anything that has to do with the test. I can go jogging after I finish studying, but right now, studying is what I really need to be doing." Then do it. You'll feel proud of yourself. Your anxiety will pass—and you'll perform much better on the test. Joe Namath, former New York Jets quarterback and a football legend, said it well: "You learn you can do your best even when it's hard, even when you're tired and maybe hurting a little bit. It feels good to show some courage." Remember, the only people who can show courage are those who have some fear. No fear, no courage.
   Now let's look at the other side of the coin. You have many strengths, as well, although you may not recognize and fully appreciate them. This time, write five positive qualities or characteristics of yours that can help you be more successful in school. Sometimes students have trouble thinking of five things, but stay with it until you have come up with five. Some examples of positive characteristics and qualities that are often overlooked and underappreciated are: determination, punctuality, honesty, diligence, loyalty, kindness, self-belief, and commitment. Be sure to list your positive characteristics by writing them as I-statements (for example, "I am a patient person," "I am an optimistic person," or "I have a sense of humor"). Write your responses on notebook paper.

Five of My Positive Qualities

1. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Read out loud the positive qualities you listed—it's important that you actually hear yourself saying them. Keep a copy of them where you can see them. Think about how you could use them to help you become a more effective student. You may be able to draw on them in ways that might not have occurred to you. Consider that:

  • Your sense of humor can help you keep your perspective when you find yourself in a stressful or frustrating situation. (Example: You're sitting in your biology class waiting for class to begin when you realize that you've brought your psychology text to class instead of your biology book.)
  • Your sense of compassion can enable you to be less harsh and more forgiving of yourself when you do not achieve at the level you had hoped. (Example: You study hard for a test, but still don't make as high a score as you had hoped for.)
  • Your sense of self-belief or faith can be mobilized when you find yourself in a situation that seems discouraging or even hopeless. You can call on this strength when others question your ability. (Example: Your sister or brother tells you that you might as well drop your math class because "you'll never be able to pass the course.")
  • Your sense of honesty can help you refrain from taking dishonest, self-defeating shortcuts or helping someone else cheat. You feel good about yourself because being honest helps you maintain your self-respect and your professors' respect. (Example: A classmate asks to copy your homework or offers to let you copy answers to the homework assignment.)
    Look at each of the positive qualities you listed. For each one, jot down how you could use that quality to help you become more successful in school. For example, "Patience: I can remind myself that learning new skills and information requires time and sustained effort" or "Determination: I can keep trying in a course even when it seems hard or confusing."

How My Positive Quality Can Help Me Be More Successful

1. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

   ________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In summary: It is important that you identify the things you do to prevent yourself from being as successful as you might otherwise be. Once you have pinpointed these self-defeating behaviors, create a plan for changing them. Do this by identifying your positive qualities and deciding how you can use them to overcome negative behaviors. Then behave your way to success.






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