Online "Relationships" Quiz

Instructions: In Chapter Two, connecting bids are described as "an attempt to engage another person in a transaction, sometimes at a deep and enduring level and other times at a superficial and fleeting level." Marriage and partnership researcher John Gottman has described bids between intimates as "emotional bids," because they speak to our desire to connect with our loved ones on a deeper level. Gottman's work on love and marriage challenges us to examine the relationships we hold most dear. How can we tell if we're on the right track with someone for whom we care? How can we tell how connected we are?

Go to John Gottman's Love and Marriage site (http://www.gottman.com/marriage/relationship_quiz/) and take two relationship quizzes, "How Well Do You Know Your Partner?" and "Bids For Connection." Scores for each quiz are provided on the site.

Do you think the quizzes are a good way to help you understand your close relationships? Did your answers accurately reflect how your relationship is right now? How can you take what you've learned from these questionnaires and improve how you relate to the people you love?

In summary: Connecting bids are the glue that holds relationships together. Even the small bids matter, because it's through these attempts to connect that we build something special with the people we love. We have choices in how we respond to bids. The text lists our choices as "Turning Toward," "Turning Away," and "Turning Against." The more we choose "Turning Toward" as a bid response and the less we choose the other two, the more we feel closer and more connected to others, whether those people are intimates, friends, or even classmates.