Exercises

A. Poet

     You are covering the county courthouse and a court employee tells you that District Court Judge Harvey Smith has handed down a decision in rhyme and that it might make a good story. You check and find he has indeed written a poem consisting of 15 stanzas.
     The decision was made in an appeal of a municipal court decision in Ridgefield Park in which Eugene T. Bohelska was fined $300 on his conviction for using profanity on the telephone, a violation of state law. Bohelska was also convicted of driving an improperly registered vehicle, although he contended he was driving someone else's car and should not have been held responsible. He appealed his conviction on the profanity charge, which grew out of an incident with the court clerk.
     The incident began when, after two delays in his municipal court hearing on the driving charge, Bohelska called the court to ask for another delay. He said he was ill with a fever. The clerk refused to make a postponement and he allegedly cursed her. The clerk, Geraldine Mucella, then filed charges.
     Here are the key stanzas from the judge's long poem:

DECISION:
Vulgar words transmitted by phone
Are not enough when standing alone
To land said caller in a jail cell
Where, for six months, he's required to dwell;
For while such words may cause some resentment
Their use is protected by the First Amendment.
Tempers then flared 'til it sounded the same
As a Rangers–Flyers hockey game.
"F--- you, go f--- yourself" Eugene blurted
Though use of that word should be averted.
Before the sentence was even completed
He wished that the expletive had been deleted.
You say things couldn't possibly worsen?
Well the clerk of the court was a female person.
Next day the cop in the hat rang the bell and waited.
Eugene opened the door, his fever had abated.
He knew that he now would be printed and booked.
Figured his goose was practically cooked.
They went to the station and straight to the jail.
He stayed there 'til mother posted his bail.
Title Two A, Chapter One Seventy, Section Twenty-nine (three)
Is the charge for which posting of bail set him free.
It provides that when using the telephone
Mere profanity standing alone
Even if stated in friendship or jest
Is a criminal act, hence the arrest.
The Ridgefield Park docket was busy that night
Traffic, this case and a big bar room fight.
Judge George A. Browne, if I may opine
Talks a lot like the late Gertrude Stein.
Justice was dispensed at a good rapid pace.

Next thing you know they called Eugene's case.
There were few facts disputed, no witnesses lied.
The question was "How would the law be applied?"
Judge George A. Browne made his position quite clear
He said that his clerk was shell pink of ear.
The words Eugene used were obscene and profane
And it caused her anguish and much mental pain.
For that telephone call with the curses and hollers
The fine imposed was three hundred dollars.
The lawyer protested and fought on with zeal
So now we turn to Eugene's appeal.
Can you swear if you hit your thumb with a hammer
Without risk of spending six months in the slammer?
When the bank computer errs and bounces your check
Is your language confined to aw gees and oh hecks?
Does the law require you to stand mute
While a cigarette burns a hole in your suit?
Is it reasonable to remain calm and composed
If the photograph shows your horse has been nosed?
Statutory attempts to regulate pure bluster
Can't pass what is called constitutional muster.
Use of vulgar words that may cause resentment
Is protected by the First Amendment.
There must be a danger of breach of the peace
For this near sacred right ever to cease.
This was no obscene call from a sick deranged stranger.
Of a breach of the peace there was no possible danger.
Eugene hurled an expletive in sheer exasperation
And that isn't a crime anywhere in this nation.
The cop in the hat and Judge George A. Browne
Will read this opinion and grumble and frown.
They may ring me up just to holler and curse
But I still can't affirm. I have to reverse.

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B. Center

The Freeport Zoning and Planning Board last night completed a hearing on the proposal of the Salvation Army for a community center at 740 Springfield St. A decision is expected at the next meeting, Jan. 20.
At the hearing:

     The Army proposes to build a two-story center at a cost of $500,000. The Army was promised the new location as part of a land swap in a downtown urban renewal project whose planning was completed two years ago.
     The present center is three blocks away. That land is part of a proposed mall.
     Merchants at 740 and 742 Springfield oppose the board's granting approval. The owners are Frank Chaffee, Frank's Deli; Margaret Parker, Mayfair Fabrics; Thomas Ashkinaze, Ashkinaze's Men's Styles; and Bernzar Berents, B&D Butchers.
They ask the board not to get rid of going businesses that pay taxes. "We cannot find anything in the area," Berents said. He's the spokesman. "It would be tragic to eliminate going concerns."
     The Army spokeswoman, Major Barbara Geddings, said, "We will have to eliminate our youth program at a time when the city's juvenile delinquency rate is growing. This is a part of the city where young people are without parks, without recreation of any kind, if we close our center."
     Berents also told the board, which must approve a zoning change before the community center can be built: "We are taxpayers, contributing to the city treasury. What sense does it make to remove us from the city tax base and in our place put a tax-exempt operation? You are finding out that downtown businesses are fleeing every week and your tax base is eroding."
     Asked by Harry Kempe, a member of the board, whether the merchants have investigated moving to the mall, Berents said that the merchants have done so but have not been assured of a date when the mall will be completed.
     "We can't just close up and wait," Berents said. "For all we know, the mall won't be built for another two years. What will we do in the meantime? Go on welfare?"

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