Selection 3: Dating and Matchmaking Services
(marriage and family)

Matchmaking refers to bringing two unmarried individuals together in an attempt to promote a marriage. Throughout history, many cultures have had arranged marriages in which the parents select their child's spouse. Often, parents have used matchmakers to locate suitable mates for their children. In this country, most young people are free to choose their husband or wife. Even so, as the selection below explains, they may still need some help locating suitable people to date as they search for Mr. Right or Ms Right. Surprisingly, in a recent, national survey of more than 1,000 college women (Glenn and Marquardt, 2001), most respondents said that it was rare for college men to ask them out on dates. Most women indicated that they would like to meet a spouse while at college, however. Since college, one third of the women reported that they had had only one or two dates, while half reported having six or more dates since college. Because the dating scene in college is changing, there is a shift from traditional dating to a greater variety of ways of finding people to date.

1. Although in an individual-choice courtship system young people make their own selections, many still want help in finding a mate. To fill this need, entrepreneurs all over the country have created a potpourri of dating services. The least expensive—and most risky—are the "Personals" or "Eligibles" sections in many newspapers and magazines. For a modest fee, individuals can run a small ad describing their qualities, the qualities they seek in a partner, and the type of relationship they desire. These personals make interesting reading but they represent a less-than-safe way to find a dating partner.
2. Dating services are a more discreet but also more expensive approach. Some services call themselves "relationship services," and their approach is not too much different from that used by employment services. Dating services, popular in many major cities, charge a fee that can reach hundreds of dollars. Applicants fill out forms, describing their traits and the traits they want in a partner; some services videotape applicants' responses. Each customer's file (coded by number, not name, to ensure some privacy) is made available to those who have paid for the privilege. If questionnaire data on "Mr. X" looks good to a woman, she might ask to see his videotape. If she is interested in learning more about him, the agency might contact him by phone or postcard, indicating the manner in which he can contact the interested woman. From that point on, what happens in the relationship is up to the individuals involved.
3. The most popular dating innovation is meeting people online, through subscription services or directly on the Internet. Some services offer chat rooms where strangers can get connected. As with personal ads, there are few safeguards to ensure the accuracy of the information people provide about themselves. Individuals often reveal only positive characteristics that they think will attract others to them. Although the subscription services and/or the Internet might be a simple and inexpensive way to meet someone initially, this approach to dating lacks intimacy and can be risky.

Source: David Olson and John DeFrain. Marriages and Families: Intimacy, Diversity, and Strengths, 5th ed. New York: The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc., 2006, pp. 276-77.

Writing Prompts

Directions: Type your responses to the items below.

1			Why do you think it is so difficult for a person to meet people to date?
2			Of the dating services described in the selection, which do you think is the best approach? Why?
3			What could an individual do to make using a dating service less risky?
4			Describe any other types of matchmaking or dating services you are aware of. If you are not aware of other types, think up at least one type of service that might be safe and effective.

To the Web

Consult one or more of the following websites that pertain to the topic of the reading selection. Then answer the questions based on information obtained from the websites.

It is estimated the 87 million Americans have used online dating services. Read this article entitled, "Cyber Relationships: The Risks and Rewards." It consists of these sections: the advantages, how to choose an e-dating service, the pitfalls of email courtship, how to delete Mr. Wrong, and a word about safety.

5			Select two sections of this article and summarize the main points presented in each of them.

http://www.dating-services-guide.com/news/pros-and-cons.html

6			After reading the pros and cons of Internet matchmaking, decide whether the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. Explain your reasoning.
7			In your opinion, which of the "pros" (advantages) that are presented is the greatest advantage? Explain your choice.
8			In your opinion, which of the "cons" (disadvantages) that are presented is the greatest disadvantage? Explain your choice.

http://www.dating-services-guide.com/safety/online-dating-safety.html

At this website, you can read the first five of the ten safety tips that are presented. After you have read them, click on "Online Dating Safety Part II" and then "Online Dating Safety Part III" to read the rest of the tips.

9			After reading all ten of the tips for online dating safety, decide which two you think are the most important. Tell what they are rather than simply giving their numbers. Explain why you think the two you chose are the most important safety considerations.

http://www.solvedating.com/speed-dating.html

10			Explain what "speed dating" is.
11			Do you think speed dating is a worthwhile approach? Tell why you have the opinion that you do.

http://www.msnbc.com/news/806278.asp?pne=msn&cpl=l

12			According to the article, what are some of the problems faced by the online dating services (rather than the problems faced by those who use the service)?